I'm afraid I have an ugly pussy. A couple weeks ago I was having lunch with an ex, someone that I dated for a year (we broke up 6 months ago). We are good friends now, and everything is fine, but she sort of made a comment about my vagina that really hurt my feelings. She basically called it "meaty" while making a 'yucky' face. I didn't really know what she meant, so I just laughed. Full disclosure, I've only had sex with two people, I've never really been into porn, and I never saw my mom naked (at least that I remember). Maybe I just don't know what a vagina is supposed to look like, but I thought mine was fine. I went home and googled "what's a meaty vagina?" What I saw made me both hurt and angry. I'm hurt because it was meaner than I thought it was at the time, and I'm angry because yeah, I guess I do have a "meaty" vagina. She's the only person to say anything to me about how it looks, I just assumed mine was normal. The other person I had sex with had a similar looking one, but I guess maybe smaller, or more "tucked in" (another new gem of a term I found while googling). I guess I honestly didn't realize that people cared or paid attention what an actual vagina looks like. Following this google search, I started to watch some porn. And yeah, my vagina absolutely looks different than theirs. I fell into a rabbit hole and watched video after video- there was some variation, but a lot of them looked the same. Now I'm scared my pussy is ugly and I don't know what to do. I know this sounds ridiculous, but how can I tell?
Your ex is an asshole. Unless you directly asked her what she thinks of your pussy, which it doesn’t sound like you didn't, she should keep her mouth shut. And, even if you did ask her, making a face meant to reflect disgust is even more evidence that she sucks. In your e-mail, you didn't mention why you two broke-up, but I'm glad you did.
The truth is that everyone has different genitals, there is always natural variation. This applies to all sexes. What you see in porn is not real. It's like watching a big budget movie or flipping through a fashion magazine and thinking you're different or that something's wrong with you because you don't look like those people. We cannot compare ourselves to the unrealistic standards porn sets. I'm not saying porn is bad, but it's not representative of real life or sex.
About how you feel about your own vagina, it doesn't sound like you think anything negatively about it and it hadn't even crossed your mind until your ex brought it up. Just because one person said something to you, does that make it correct? Is she the ultimate truth teller and everyone is going to agree with her? The answer is " fuck no!" Lots of people have "meaty" vaginas and they love them. Similarly, lots of people love a "meaty" vagina as opposed to the ones you likely saw during your porn exploring. If you love yourself, then there is really nothing to do but tell yourself she's wrong and even if she's right, fuck it because you love yourself.
Every year in the class I teach I have my undergraduate students watch a video on labiaplasty. Labiaplasty is a medical procedure some females have to decrease the size of their labia minor and majora, which allows the vagina to look more "tucked in". The responses from female students always range from being 100% for the procedure to being 100% against it. Some students think that if you feel terrible about this part of yourself and there is a quick and easy way to have it changed, why not? Others argue that this is ridiculous, unnecessary, and only based on unrealistic expectations from porn. Myself, I'm somewhere in the middle. The point being, there are options if you decide for yourself that this something you want to change. The key here being, what you want, for yourself, not what someone else tells you. This is your body, your choice, and all people have natural variations to their bodies.