DO I HAVE TO TELL MY BEST FRIEND THAT I FUCKED HIS BOYFRIEND?
About 6 months ago I was out drinking with my best friend and his boyfriend. Around 2am the three of us went back to their apartment to have another drink there. The three of us were having fun and watching TV until about 4. At that point my friend had fallen asleep on the couch, snoring, like just totally passed out. I said I was going to head home and put my coat on. When I headed for the door his boyfriend stopped me and said I should stay. I said I was really tired and totally ready for bed, so I needed to go. He then leaned forward, kissed me, and told me to stay a bit longer. I was still pretty drunk. It's not an excuse, but I was. I've always thought he was very good looking, but what happened next shouldn't have. We ended up having sex in their bed while my best friend was asleep in the living room. After we both came I left right away and felt totally guilty. Ever since then I've felt awful and I don't know what to do. I want to tell my friend, but I'm afraid he's going to hate me, and I also don't want to get his boyfriend in trouble. As far as I know they don't have an open relationship, but maybe they do? I have no idea what their agreement is. I don’t know if I should say something or not, but I feel terrible and every time I hang out with him I have to stop myself from telling him. What should I do?
You have to tell him or you run the risk of hurting your friendship even more. You got yourself into a messy situation and now you have to get yourself out of it. Some people might be able to not tell their friend and never feel bad about it. But, that's not you and it sounds like you're not going to feel better until you come clean. Although you may have been drinking, you made a poor decision and I think you should tell your friend. I can't tell you that he isn't going to hate you, it's impossible to know how anyone is going to respond. At the very least I'd imagine he will not be happy about it, but fear of him being mad at you can't stop you. If you don't tell him, he may still find out, and how awful would that be?
There are a couple things you may want to keep in mind when you tell him. First, take responsibility. You may have been drinking, his boyfriend may have initiated it, but you still stayed and had sex with him. You were not an innocent victim, so make sure you own up to your own decisions. Second, be prepared for any response he may have. Remember, you're not just telling him that you had sex with someone, you're also telling him that his boyfriend *cheated on him. He might be mad at you, mad at him, or mad at both of you. I put an * above because, as you mentioned, you don't know the rules of their relationship. Granted, if he is your best friend you probably have some idea, but unless he has told you directly what they are, you simply don't know for sure. Third, don't do this again, ever. Unless a friend has specifically told you that it's ok to hook up with their significant other, just don't do it. There are plenty of people out there to have sex and you just don't need to put your friendships in jeopardy, ever. There will always be someone else to have sex with, and your personal relationships are worth so much more. It sounds like you already know this, but I can't not say it.