PARTY OF ONE... AND I'M FINE WITH THAT
I'm 33 and I've only had sex with one person. I was 21 at the time and thought I was gay. But, if I'm not having sex or dating anyone, does sexual orientation even matter? When I did have sex, she was great, but I just didn't enjoy it. I don't watch porn or masturbate, I really never even think about sex. My friends think it's weird that I'm not interested. They are always trying to either set me up someone or tell me that I'm missing out. I really don't think that I am though. I love my life, for the most part. I have a decent job, make decent money, and have a great apartment. But, my friends and mother are constantly asking me when I'm going to get married. I don't think I'm the only person in the world that feels like maybe they just aren't interested, but I've never met anyone who feels the same. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I should I just get into a relationship and fake it? Is that something people do? Is there something wrong with me?
When we think of sexual orientation there are really three different ways that people can come to a conclusion: 1) who they have sex with; 2) who they want to have sex with; and 3) who they have emotions for. For the majority of people all of these things are aligned, but not for everyone. Your situation is a little bit different because you aren’t having sex with anyone, you don’t want to have sex with anyone, and it doesn’t seem like you have a lot of romantic feelings for others. What you’re describing sounds very similar to what has been defined as asexuality or the lack of sexual attraction to others.
When people think of sexuality they often think of categories, the big 3 being gay, straight, and bisexual. However, there are others, asexual being one of them. Asexuality has been researched and it generally found to be uncommon, but not nonexistent. There are plenty of websites out there for people who think they may be asexual. Most of them allow you to talk to others and get feedback on your thoughts and feelings. If you’re curious, this may be a place for you to start and explore.
There is no black and white concept for what someone who identifies as asexual is supposed to be. Some individuals who identify as asexual report having romantic feelings but no urge to have sex whereas other report having no romantic feelings. Some asexuals date, some don’t. There really are no rules to what you are and are not allowed to do (keep in mind this applies to all sexual orientations). The bottom line, there is nothing “wrong” with you. It sounds like you’re perfectly happy on your own, and that’s fine. Often when family members or friends try to pressure someone into being in a relationship it is because they think or believe that you must be in a relationship to be fully happy. This says more about them than it does about you.
Should you fake it? Well, I just said there are no rules, so how can I give you one now? I don’t know, I mean, do you want to fake it? Does that sound like a good time to you? Would it make you happy to or just the others around you? And, is it fair to the person you’re dating if you “fake” it? I might suggest trying one out, go on a couple dates and see what happens, but if you don’t like, you just don’t, and that’s fine. With that said, there are plenty of people that are in relationships for a multitude of reasons- sometimes love, financial, shared interest, wanting a companion, etc. I don’t think a relationship should ever be someone’s main goal in life, I think they should add something to your already great life. But if you’re happy on your own, then I don't see the problem.